First, what is mindfulness?
In a simple explanation, mindfulness is being fully present and aware with what you are doing, feeling, and physical senses in the current moment, without judgement, overreacting, or trying to change the outcome.
Mindfulness is about recognizing what is happening in the moment, understanding your own reactions, and making a thoughtful decision about how to respond.
How does mindfulness relate to parenting?
Mindfulness can help decrease your reactivity and increase your awareness on when you need to pause, step away, or adjust your response before a situation escalates. You can recognize what is happening within yourself while remaining present with your child.
By being aware and present, you can acknowledge what contributed to your child’s distress. While being present with your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. This awareness can help you and your child regulate together. You can begin to acknowledge the outcomes: what worked in the situation or what needs to change for the future, if this same situation arose again. You can also be responsive without avoiding boundaries. Rather be intentional about which boundaries matter in that moment.
What does this look like in everyday parenting?
When Tommy walks into the house, he throws his bag down and begins to pace. His movements are quicker, rigid, and tense. His mom, Susie, can feel herself becoming anxious. As she recalls the last time Tommy came home from school like this, he had some big behaviors.
Rather than thinking about the last time, she tells herself, “this is a different day, a different moment.” – Practicing Mindfulness by coming back into the present moment
Susie recognizes what didn’t help Tommy last time and what she has been doing since, which has helped both of them stay calm. One technique that has worked is giving him something he enjoys and giving him space. Susie offers him four options to choose from: food, sensory fidgets, weighted blanket, or his room for space. Tommy chose a snack, fidget, and his room.
Susie typically doesn’t allow snacks in his room, but she recognizes that this may not be the moment to enforce that expectation. Tommy is already upset, and she is feeling anxious about not knowing what happened at school. Susie decides helping him regulate and connecting with his teacher are the priorities right now. – Practicing Mindfulness by not reacting but identifying what is her priority in the moment and responding accordingly.
After Tommy is settled in his room, she emails his teacher to help better understand what happened at school.
Moving from Reactive to Responsive
Recognizing how you are feeling and why can help you move from being reactive to being responsive. You take a pause to problem-solve in the moment by using what has helped in the past.
In the example above, the parent recognized the signs of distress in both themselves and their child. They understood what had contributed to previous escalations, identified strategies that had been helpful, and recognized when making an allowance to an expectation was appropriate.
Incorporating mindfulness into your parenting style isn’t to eliminate difficult moments in parenting. It’s to create more opportunities to respond with awareness, intention, and compassion rather than reacting out of stress.
Looking for more calming strategies? Check Out A Penny or Two for Your Stress or Simple Calming Strategies for Parents
